its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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