I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just threw up on my dentist
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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