She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
worst night to have a conscience
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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