I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
