yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
