First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
