Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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