i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
