There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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