I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sober January is a disaster.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
