Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
