Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
