he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its about making memories worth repressing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
