Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
