I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
