Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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