I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
