I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
