there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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