I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
