May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
