Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
