just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
