good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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