i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
