Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could fuck to npr.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
