I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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