Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.