I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
