Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail