they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type