and she was petting her beer can
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
