I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize