My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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