i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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