I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
