Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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