I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
