69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this just has baby written all over it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
