No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
