I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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