Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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