there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
