The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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