I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
