I look better un-naked...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
