Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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