I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
