My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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