Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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