drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this boner is exhausting
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
