At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
