Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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