if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
