I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize