Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
