i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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