Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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