The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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