I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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