the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
