Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
