lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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