Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
