she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
