I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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