do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
