I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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