If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
