If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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