i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
